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Holding the Man: Popular Penguins Paperback – 29 June 2009

by Timothy Conigrave (Author)
4.3 out of 5 stars 1,629
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As uplifting as it is moving, Holding the Man is a funny, sad and celebratory account of growing up gay, and a powerful love story.

In the mid-seventies at an all-boys Catholic school in Melbourne, Timothy Conigrave fell wildly and sweetly in love with the captain of the football team. So began a relationship that was to last for fifteen years, a love affair that weathered disapproval, separation and, ultimately, death.

With honesty and insight, Conigrave's bestselling memoir explores the highs and lows of any partnership- the intimacy, constraints and temptations. And the strength of heart both men had to find when they tested positive to HIV.

As uplifting as it is moving, Holding the Man is a funny, sad and celebratory account of growing up gay, and a powerful love story.

'A fine, tender and sexy book.' David Marr

'Full of compassion, candour and zest for life.' The Australian

'A charming love story.' Herald Sun

'Amazingly more than the sum of its parts, a book to stir you up and knock you around and wring you out.' Peter Robb
Previous page
  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Penguin
  4. Publication date
    29 June 2009
  5. Dimensions
    11.5 x 1.9 x 18.2 cm
  6. ISBN-10
    0143202820
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0143202820
  8. See all details
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Product description

Book Description

With honesty and insightHolding the Manexplores the highs and lows of any partnership, and the strength of heart both men have to find when they test positive to HIV.

About the Author

Timothy Conigrave was born in Melbourne in 1959 and educated at Xavier College and Monash University. He trained as an actor at the National Institute of Dramatic Art, graduating in 1984. He appeared in such plays as Brighton Beach Memoirs and As Is with The Fabulous Globos. He initiated the project Soft Targets, seen at Griffin Theatre in 1986. His other plays include Blitz Kids and Thieving Boy. Timothy Conigrave died in October 1994, shortly after completing his book Holding the Man.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Penguin; 1st edition (29 June 2009)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0143202820
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0143202820
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 11.5 x 1.9 x 18.2 cm
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 out of 5 stars 1,629

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  1. Timothy Conigrave

    Timothy Conigrave

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    Tommy Murphy

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4.3 out of 5 stars
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Top reviews from Australia

Donna
5.0 out of 5 stars Read it
Reviewed in Australia on 13 June 2023
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You won’t be disappointed. The story of Tim and Jon. A true love story. I don’t do reviews, but how can you not! Love is love.
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K A Sandford-Clisby
4.0 out of 5 stars A bittersweet love story
Reviewed in Australia on 20 March 2023
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I read this after watching the film. The film is excellent and stays true to the book. But there is added depth and poignancy here. It’s incredibly hard to read the last few chapters. We have forgotten how horrendous AIDS was before there was any effective treatment. The love in this story shines through. I would also recommend watching Remembering the Man - a documentary about Tim and John that came out before the film.
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Helen Fletcher
5.0 out of 5 stars A Moving Tribute to a Wonderful Couple
Reviewed in Australia on 23 August 2015
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"Holding the Man" is a staunch reminder of the discrimination against gay people and the horror of AIDS in its early days. Beautifully written, Tim captures the extraordinary love and the soulmate bond he shared with John. And he does so in a way that if funny, quirky and reveals all of the confusion, laughter, pain, grief and humaneness of a young couple facing death. This is an extraordinary read - so gripping and at time so hard to continue knowing what the end will look like. It is a beautiful tribute to all those who have faced the desperate trauma of chronic illness in the face of various forms of discrimination but survive the process surrounded by love, understanding and true friendship.
One person found this helpful
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Jim KABLE
5.0 out of 5 stars A Late 20thcentury Love Story
Reviewed in Australia on 4 September 2015
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I had heard references to this story/book but never read it. (I had nearly two decades living abroad - outside of Australia, teaching, through the 1990s, 2000s.) Then reviews of the film began emerging - I wanted to understand the background. What can I say - a story for our contemporary times and understanding - at least for where as a society we have reached since the closet days and AIDS daze! I was most impressed by the love story at its heart - and the searing (at times) - honesty of the writer. Love and heart-ache, both. RIP the two men at its centre - and to those of their families who continue to hold their memories sweet!
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Peter Eerden
3.0 out of 5 stars A one sided story -
Reviewed in Australia on 29 August 2015
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When you read any book that purports to truth it is difficult to assess where the reality sits. My guess here is that it lies elsewhere. Not that the author's perspective should not be respected but that there is a sense of apology in the way feelings are expressed. As though the infidelities in this gay relationship were somehow OK just because of the gender bias. As a read into a life we would not normally be privileged to it does shed some light on gay couples and their day to day existence. I am not sure though whether the casual treatment of the physical side of the relationship was instructive or just to shock. The redeeming value of this book is its treatment of the AIDS epidemic and its impact on couples and their loved ones.
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Huguette
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully written. You do not have to be gay ...
Reviewed in Australia on 12 September 2015
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Beautifully written. You do not have to be gay to sympathise with the young couple. Feelings are expressed with a lot of sensibility.
I could not believe what those young men had to go through when diagnosed with Aid; It was an eye opener. I cannot say that I enjoyed the reading as it's a very sad story with a predictable ending but I could not leave the book. I did cry often.
Huguette
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Melissa Heenan
4.0 out of 5 stars Amazing to feel the honesty
Reviewed in Australia on 25 September 2015
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Amazing to feel the honesty, the joy and the grief as these boys navigate such a difficult world. A true love story .
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars We can all relate
Reviewed in Australia on 11 April 2018
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Gay or straight, the adventurous and pioneering times of the 70s and 80s and sexual fluidity took its toll. This is a story of enduring love in a sexually sordid Sydney that will have you in tears. You will be moved.
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Top reviews from other countries

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Francisco
5.0 out of 5 stars mum bom
Reviewed in Brazil on 13 August 2023
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linda história
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Wallflower
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente Título
Reviewed in Mexico on 29 July 2023
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Llegó en un poco antes de la fecha estimada a pesar de ser de importación y en un excelente estado. ✨️
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Alexxa
5.0 out of 5 stars Most beautiful book
Reviewed in Canada on 18 July 2022
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This book is so beautiful! I got it for the first time about 2 years ago and such a beautiful and important story! Tim was truly an amazing and talented person:)
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Goede staat
5.0 out of 5 stars Snel geleverd
Reviewed in Belgium on 31 March 2024
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Ik heb de film gezien en veel mensen zeggen dat de boek veel meer te zeggen heeft dan de film. Ik ben eens curieus
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Greg Dunn
5.0 out of 5 stars An honest, uplifting, devastating and brave book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 18 March 2020
Verified Purchase
Existing somewhere between the blurred lines of novel and memoir, Holding the Man is justifiably held to be an icon in the annals of Australian and LGBT writing. Although fictionalised to an extent by the passing of time and the very process of putting it into words, its love story is made all the more potent by the fact that we know these lives were lived by real people; that the characters on the page were real people, with all their flaws and perfections.

It is refreshingly honest of author Tim Conigrave to have presented himself warts and all, since ultimately this is what gives the book its emotional impact: unselfconsciously showcasing his faults, his weaker moments, his indiscretions makes the closing pages of the memoir and their realisation and reiteration of his all-consuming love for his partner John so much more meaningful. Pulling no punches throughout only emphasises the depth of feeling and beauty of the words that bring the book to its heartbreaking but life-affirming close.

If I had one criticism of the book - although it feels churlish and crass to even raise it, frankly - it would be that at times it flows more like a stream of consciousness than a narrative, featuring significant jumps in chronology between paragraphs at times that make it a little hard to follow. Keeping up with who's who can also be a little difficult. And yet it is all the more astounding that the text flows as well and as engagingly as it does when you realise that Conigrave only completed it days before his own death. In that sense, it is an amazing achievement and a testament to his passion, to his determination and, ultimately, to his undying love for John.
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